Grow dammit!
Growth is something you expect plants to do, think about it, next year you
expect that sapling tree in your front yard to be taller, bigger, more robust.
I remember when I was 9-years-old, Mom let me plant my favorite tree in the
front yard. I went to the nursery and picked out the MOST perfect tree; a blue
spruce. What I loved most about blue spruce trees was the memories of playing
beneath their blue tripped pine needles as a small child. I remember how they smelled and how
they looked, huge giants peaking out of the morning mist as they lined the
parkway. The parkway was my favorite spot to play, to ride through on my bike as fast as my little legs could pump just to have the fragrant air in my nostrils and feathering
over my skin. One day I asked my older, wiser sisters what sort of trees they
were and they uttered the magical words:
"Blue
Spruce."
It became my Indian
name, that along with Laughing Brook and Morning Dove (Morning Doves liked to make their
nest in the parkway and I thought their mournful call heart-wrenchingly epic). So we planted
my baby blue spruce in the dull colored soil. I found the most perfect
position for my most perfect tree, where you could see her out the dining room
window, and when you drove up the lane, and when you played in the yard. Then I
waited. And waited. And watched. And sat with her in the sun sharing my stories of great romance and heartache
(from a child's perspective) and lovingly preening her pine needles.
The next year I raced
out of the house expectantly, only to find her just a tiny bit bigger.
"Why?" I wailed to my Mom. It’s supposed to be a towering giant under whose limbs I can play! Grow dammit!
Blue Spruce grow slowly, it takes years to perfect their towering height and finely frosted needles. It takes years to reach that level of perfection.
"Why?" I wailed to my Mom. It’s supposed to be a towering giant under whose limbs I can play! Grow dammit!
Blue Spruce grow slowly, it takes years to perfect their towering height and finely frosted needles. It takes years to reach that level of perfection.
The purpose behind the
blue spruce story is that this frustration and the words, "Grow
Dammit," have revisited my life and fallen from my lips frequently this
past year, only this time directed at stunted humans. In humans, personal growth
sometimes seems something like a bloody miracle. It's not easy or kind to your ego or
even pleasurable. It takes some elbow grease and some plain, old fashion
honesty: you're far from perfect.
I find it eternally exhausting always battling for the
right way of doing things (I'm not saying I always know what it is, but I
definitely can recognize what it isn't;) and coming up against ego trips and
insecurities and spiteful jealousy. I'm always amazed at how far along this
journey of life people can get without sitting down and having a frank
conversation with themselves (I think it should be required as part of all
passport applications, would definitely make my life easier;).
But unfortunately it's a
fact of life, and no amount of bitching can solve it (trust me, I've
bitched for years). So finally, after another such individual happened along my
path (I think I attract them like a magnet) I
finally realized that the only part I actually control is........duh duh dum....my response.
And it dawned on me while writing the word, "empower," (coincidentally) that those who feel un-empowered try to take power away from people around them. They try to make you feel small so that they can feel powerful. They come from all walks of life, in all shapes, forms, and ages. (Yes, that was my morning epiphany over coffee...all good things worthy of noting happen over coffee btw;).
The solution is simple, tt's something I do frequently while working with at-risk youth. EMPOWER. Empower them by pointing out their strengths and by giving them a purpose.
That's what we're all really looking for in life, right?
No comments:
Post a Comment